Leora’s Personal Breastfeeding Journey

Expectations Out the Window

In 2006, I was first introduced to the world of breastfeeding. I was pregnant with my first son, and one of my best friends just had a baby. She breastfed him and made it look magical. I wanted that experience and decided I too would breastfeed!

My son arrived and he latched shortly after delivery. This was going to be a great experience. I’m in love. I am bonding and nourishing my new baby and how could life be any better?

Less than 24 hours later, I hated breastfeeding.

Breastfeeding was painful for me. Every time my son latched I winced in pain. Sometimes I even cried. I was told it was normal for breastfeeding to be uncomfortable in the early days. I had to push through. I wanted to be successful.

Over the next few days, each feeding was worse than the one before. I vividly remember my emotions changing like the switch of a light. When he was content, I loved him. When it was time to eat, I resented him. This resentment grew stronger with each feed over the next couple days.

We came home from the hospital four days after my son was born. It was our first night home as a family. At 3am my son woke up to eat, my husband hands me the baby and I cried. “I can’t do it”, I whimpered.

My husband took our son to the kitchen and made him a bottle of formula. I sat in our bedroom and pumped. I stared down at two bottles full of blood-tinged breastmilk. I dumped them down the sink.

For the next nine months, I became an exclusive pumper. My son never received another bottle of formula. He also never latched to my breasts again. I was blessed to have an abundant milk supply. It turns out I did breastfeed my first son, just not in the way I had envisioned.

A Second Chance

Seven years later, we were blessed with another child. Again, I was determined to breastfeed. I became educated about breastfeeding. I read breastfeeding books and took all the classes. Every breastfeeding friend I had became my teacher. I was prepared for the worst but determined for the best.

My second son was born three weeks before his due date. He refused to latch. My son latched with a shield and it allowed him to nurse at my breast. I was thrilled to be pain-free!! Six weeks and three visits with a lactation consultant later, my son latched without a shield for the first time! That lactation consultant became an angel of support for me. My son and I went on to breastfeed together for sixteen months.

Third Times the Charm!

Our third child arrived two years later (another boy!). My breastfeeding experience with him was nothing like his brothers. He was lying on my chest, skin to skin in the recovery room when he crawled down to my breast and latched on his own! I cried. I laughed. I smiled. I was relieved. Third time was the charm. We breastfed together for twelve months.

After having my third baby, I absolutely fell in love with breastfeeding! As a breastfeeding mother, I felt empowered, successful, proud and humbled. I wish for all mothers who desire to breastfeed to find their success as well.

Are you looking for breastfeeding support? The Breastfeeding Center of Orange County is here to help!